Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Our Sweet Twins in Heaven

For the most part, I'm not very personal on this blog, or even on instagram anymore, for many reasons. Today, I'm getting very personal and talking about our miscarriage story. I'm doing this to document but also to help me be more open to talking about it and help me heal through doing so. With David's permission as well.

A regular day in May, I was just going about my day, taking care of Noah, playing with him and what not when it occurred to me I hadn't had my period in a while... I don't usually keep track of it so I had to really research when I last got it. To my surprise I was ten days late! I knew instantly I was with child. I called David and asked him to pick up a test for me on his way home. So nice to have a husband that isn't embarrassed to buy my feminine products for me! As soon as he came home, I gave him a kiss and ran to the bathroom to see.

Positive! We Were pregnant!!!

A week after we had our doctor's appointment to confirm, and sure enough we were pregnant. They told me I had to wait couple weeks more because I might be too early to see anything through the ultrasound.
When we went back, I was very early in the pregnancy and they couldn't see much but the gestational sac. The first nurse didn't seem too sure of what she was looking at which worried me so she called in the other ultrasound tech. When she came in and moved the wand to get a better look she had a huge grin on her face. "Susana, are you on any fertility pills or treatment?" she asked. "no, not at all why?" I said. " Well, looks like you're having twins!" she happily said.

Holy Moly I almost passed out when I heard that! Funny thing was that two days before that appointment I mentioned to David that I felt different, and thought that this might be twins. Call  it mother's intuition! I was right!

We were so excited! I always loved the idea of having twins! I wanted to make the announcement very special for the rest of the family so we decided to wait just a little longer to tell everyone else.

Instantly I made a secret board on Pinterest of all the different ways I could announce the twins, how I'd decorate the room to accommodate both the twins and Noah, and even how I'd dress them! I was stoked!

It was all very short lived, when just the day after, I began to spot and cramp. I tried not to worry and I just told myself it's implantation bleeding, nothing else. Well, the cramps grew stronger and my bleeding became heavy. We decided to go to the hospital. My body was getting ready miscarry the babies.

On Saturday June 7 2014, We lost our sweet babies in the comfort of our home.
We were blessed to be surrounded by our caring family, no one was upset that we hadn't mentioned the pregnancy, they were all broken hearted that we lost two sweet angels.

Through all of this, I know God is preparing something great for me and my family. It's been a very hard few months with obstacle after obstacle but I still put my trust in The Lord and know that things will get better. Through this suffering I've learned patience and I've grown so much closer to my sweet husband who has been very open about his feelings which I really appreciate.

I hug my sweet Noah extra tight and know how blessed I am to have him. I've leaned in on God and prayed over those sweet angels. I know I have not lost two babies but gained two angels that will be graciously waiting for us in heaven.

For all those struggling through this, I pray that you find peace through this. God will get you through these difficult times.

October 15, is infant, pregnancy loss and stillborn awareness day. Today I chose to speak up and share that I am the 1 in 4 that miscarry. I will always think of my sweet babies, I love you and I can't wait to hold you.

To My Sweet babies,

I loved holding you in my womb for those few short weeks. I was so in love with you. I knew that you would be a blessing in our lives no matter what. Even your big brother Noah would kiss you through my belly and love on you. You would have been here in just three months from now, and even though I won't get to carry your sweetness, I hold you in my heart forever. Love you both so much.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, would've never know (obviously) but bless you and David. You're two of the sweetest ppl