I've had this blog for about 8 years now. I began Blogging back in 2010 while working my last job. I remember seeing so many bloggers on Blogspot and they were all so inspiring to me. The lives they lived, the pictures they shared and how put together they seemed to be.
When I started this blog, I had visions of where I would be with this blog of mine and it's nowhere near reaching that goal.
Honestly I wanted a lot of traffic on here, I wanted the feedback from viewers (which I hardly even get on here.) and I wanted this to have the potential of becoming a job for me.
So why hasn't this happened for me on here?
I would have to say it is because I haven't dedicated the time to post or work on my content as I should be doing if I want to reach my goal. What can I say, life happened to us and it happened quick. I don't blame my kids, I blame my self for not setting a goal for myself on the weekly basis. I definitely prioritize my children as it should be, but when it comes to me having time for .... me, I don't make that happen a lot of the time.
My insecurities have a lot to do with it too. I'm very real, I know I speak my mind on here and I love that I do get feedback about what I post (via text or instagram) but more than half the time, I won't post pictures of myself on here or other social media because I feel like I look too "fat" too "tired" too not like the old me. Or they "young me" I should say.
Lately it's been hitting me hard that I need to do something more. Something for me, for my family and something to make me feel like I am succeeding in my goals for my life. I don't want to say or tell myself that I am "Just a Mom" because that's a hell of a hard job to be/do. I have been feeling burnt out lately with doing what feels like that same thing over and over with no end.
Wake up, change baby's diaper, dress kids, make breakfast , do devotional with kids, learning time, clean clean clean and after that I'm so burnt out. And when we go out on an errand, I come back home and I'm done for the day.
We have never had the "help" that most moms have from their family members. If we did, I would probably be working or be feeling pretty good with having a little break. My mom works a 9-5 job and doesn't much ask for the kids on her days off because well, it's her break too. My mom in law still has a school aged daughter and her days are filled as well. My dad works full time and lives 3 hours north, and my father in law and his wife both work ( firefighter schedule and nurse schedule)and live 2 hours away.
David works full time and comes home tired and not very motivated to do much.
And Benjamin is too attached to leave my side for me to even go to the store by myself.
I will say, when there is an emergency, I have gotten help from my mom and mother in law. For that, I am thankful for because David works an hour away from home and is always too busy to leave work.
We can't afford a babysitter.
So that's where we're at. I'm just a little bit burnt out, maybe a lot ...
I've been home for almost 6 years ( 6 years in july) with side jobs as a baby sitter, photographer and furniture refurbisher, but it's just feeling like a lot to handle these days on my own. And with feeling the urge to accomplish something more , it's really bringing me down that I can't at this point. I'm praying for God to show me what it is I am meant to do or become. And I'm praying that I acquire the patience I need to wait in Him.
So if anyone reading this wonders why I don't post much or why I don't seem like myself, you know why now. I'm really trying to keep my head above water, trying to look at the bright side of all that I am doing. I promise I am not negative nancy 100 percent of the time, I'm just looking for my Purpose in life too.
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