In His Hands

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

James 1:19

Sometimes I stop blogging on here because I'm afraid of how I might be affecting someone. Sometimes I stop blogging on here because I'm afraid of my life, our content being out in the world. Sometimes I stop blogging on here because I'm afraid of what people will think of me and us.
Sometimes I stop blogging on here because I don't want to mislead anyone into thinking everyday is as pretty as a picture I share.
Sometimes I stop blogging on here because I think I have nothing to look forward to and I might be too boring.
Sometimes I stop blogging on here because I'm afraid my playful self might be misinterpreted for immaturity .
Sometimes I stop blogging on here because I don't want to be judged for how we live our life as Christians.


There's plenty more things I fear while sharing on here but I don't want to list it all. The point is I need to focus on my reason for blogging. Why I started blogging back in 2009. I wanted yes, to be one of those super cool and fashionable bloggers with an exciting life that would share tutorials on different things they make. But my number one reason for starting my blog was for myself. I felt this was my way of getting my journaling done and reminding myself of my passions, dreams and aspirations . I wanted to be able to look back at my life, my growth and all that we have been through as a family.

Another thing that keeps me from blogging is when I am experiencing hardships in life with people. Broken relationships, end of friendships and being unhappy with my own self. I feel the need to not share when I am going through those moments. I'm realizing that, that would most likely be the best time to journal. To get my feelings out with what is currently going on. Not to gossip but to simply express myself. Who knows, maybe one or two of you that read this might be going through something similar . And as far as I know and what I like, I always seek to see that someone else in the world has experienced what I have experienced .

I watched the movie I Can Only Imagine yesterday and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was watching the relationship between my mother and I on screen. The emotional and physical abuse of growing up in a household full of hate, full of anger and full of demons not yet faced by truth. The movie ends with the guy forgiving his father for everything that has happened and the father fully gives his life to Jesus.
That's the thing, in my heart I don't have hate. I don't wish ill. I do and have forgiven. But what if the situation just isn't safe? What if the other person has not changed and keeps going back rather than forward. I've heard plenty of times that sometimes you just have to love from a distance. And yes I have been doing that but what kind of a life are we living as believers if we don't live among sinners. Love on them like Jesus did.

Safety first? or living a Christ like life first?

Proverbs 13:20 New International Version (NIV)

20 

Walk with the wise and become wise,

    for a companion of fools suffers harm.

And what about relationships that feel so one ended? Relationships that constantly "leave the ball on your court?" How is that even a relationship? That's not. It takes two to make a relationship work and it should NEVER be one ended. Relationships/ friendships are meant to be honest. They are meant to be a fellowship among believers to help one another grow and strengthen each other. They are not meant to break anyone down so low. IT TAKES TWO. And it takes an open and loving heart.

Whether or not you agree with me, I live my life based on the teachings of the bible. Let me rephrase that, I try , I try to live my life that way. Do I always get it right, heck no. But I try. I don't live my life trying to make anyone feel lesser than I. My intentions are never to hurt. My intentions are to live an honest life of love and to offer myself any way I can.

Sometimes that's all you can do and the rest is in God's hands. Not a ball in anyone's court but in God's hands. I hope this gets to whoever needs this.

All this to also say that I'm not going to stop being me. I'm not going to let the let downs in life keep me from living a full life. God made me to be myself and that's what I am going to keep doing.  So hopefully I can devote more time to posting and sharing on here and opening up a little more. Until next time!